My next step is to figure out the nature of my gothic content, which has brought me back to those same questions: “What speaks to me?” and “What do I want to speak about?”. When I think of horror, of gothic art and fiction, horror films are abundant in the forefront of my thoughts. Some of my favourite films of all time –at one time or another – had me quivering in my sheets for the weeks after watching. I’ve always been impressed with the way a good horror film can affect you for prolonged periods of time, the intensity and uncertainty preying on your subconscious to the point where it has your mind playing tricks on you, night after night. In particular, what scares me the most isn’t the loud noises, the shrieks, the screams, it’s the terrifying intensity of some of the characters. Characters with such a vindictive and petrifying aura of psychopathy, that the light of their eyes lingers as you close your eyes at night. A few spring to mind: Linda Blair’s ‘Meagan’ in William Peter Blatty’s 1973 horror The Exorcist, or Jack Nicholson’s veracious performance in Stanley Kubrick’s adaptation of the psychological horror The Shining by Stephen King. But for me, there is one particular performance that supersedes the rest, and one that inspired me to hone in on the more intricate semantics of my work.

Anthony Hopkin’s portrayal of Hannibal Lecter in the 1991 Oscar winning film, The Silence of the Lambs, has become iconic in the serial killer genre, and has created a mass cult following around Hannibal Lecter as a character, a following I am proud to call myself a part of. Lecter’s refined taste and culture, appreciation of Michelin dining, classical music, not to mention his profession, psychiatry, was so contrasting to his primal desire to kill, and ravenous inclination to the cannibalistic. This juxtaposition of his key personality traits, made him difficult to understand as a character, which is precisely what made him so terrifying to me. I always remember thinking, “How could someone so well mannered, intellectually gifted, and celebrated in his field of scientific study, be so inclined to such barbarous and taboo crimes?”. The answer to my question is clear, it is all of Hannibal’s talents and social refinements, coupled with his clear psychopathy, that made him such a terrifying and yet enthralling villain. I think the crux of my fear was in the fact that I couldn’t comprehend what was going on in Hannibal’s mind, that feeling of not having any idea what could have happened to create such a man, has stayed with me to this day and is something I want to replicate in my show.

Now inspired, I have decided to adapt the persona of Hannibal Lecter, to create my own alter ego, much like Eminem’s Slim Shady, that will excel in my gothic and literature-based performance. To do this, I will need to investigate the subject of psychopathy and criminality, a subject which I have long been intrigued to learn about, specifically, the causes of psychopathy and the links it has with a traumatic childhood. This idea of ‘nature vs nurture’ is something frequently questioned in gothic literature, such as Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. This link between the fictional monsters of those gothic stories, and the real life psychopaths and killers, who modern society brand with the same moniker, is what I hope to capitalise on in my performance. I hope to create a similar contrast of culture and chaos to Hannibal Lecter, using poetry akin to that of Edgar Allan Poe, and the use of an alter ego the likes of Slim Shady, I hope to create that very same juxtaposition that made me so uncomfortable watching The Silence of the Lambs.

My alter ego, throughout my performance, will express ideas and thoughts that relate to my own experiences as a child that made me who I am today, through the guise of someone who is completely different to me. I will do this with the intention of asking this question: Is there an extent to where we are all the same, in the regard that we could not control the experiences we have as children, and how that will inevitably affect us as adults? Personally, I have always wondered how my personality might have changed if my father had been present during my childhood. Could this have changed me? I always wonder if not having a male role model in my life at a young age, could have affected me psychologically in any way, could this be the same for people who go on to commit the heinous crimes the likes of Hannibal Lecter? These are precisely the manner of questions, that, if my audience are asking once my performance has concluded, I can confirm that the performance has been successful in achieving its goals.