Throughout this creative process, I have been asking myself the same two questions over, and over again: “What speaks to me?” and “What do I want to speak about?”. Well, ever since I portrayed Dr John Seward in a production of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. His fascination with the insane – namely from his relationship with the neurotic Renfield – has since rubbed off onto me. I find myself wanting to explore the criminally insane, and although I am no scientist, I knew that if ever given the chance to do so, I would devise a piece of work focussing around this enigmatic matter. Having established my desired medium as the art of spoken word poetry, and using my inspirations from gothic literature and Hannibal Lecter to lead me down the route of serial killers; I now find myself with opportunity to realise one of my artistic fantasies, the causes of severe criminality and serial killers and the links they have to childhood trauma.

However, I am aware that in order to do this, I must focus my inspirations to a specific serial killer, so that I might still be able to adhere to the narrative style exhibited by Edgar Allen Poe. In addition, I will be able to use this case study in conjunction with the character Hannibal Lecter, to help create my alter ego for the show. I want to incorporate the physicality of Hannibal Lecter, his hushed vocal tones and the intensity of his piercing eyes. Indeed, most of the physical aspects of my alter ego will come from Hannibal Lecter, however, I will be using the real life of my case study serial killer, to help me create the narrative structure that I desire with the poetry. Now, there was a part of me that thought I was getting too bogged down with the semantics of the show, that I hadn’t actually began morphing the text of it. However, convincing my self that, without the thematic concerns being addressed properly – especially the idea of an alter ego intertwined with my own personality – wasn’t difficult, as in order to tell a story you need someone to tell it. I certainly cannot tell the story of a serial killer, as unsurprisingly I don’t have any experience in the matter. However, it is not unusual for serial killers to have normal childhood, until one traumatic experience alters their development, skewing them onto a more demented path. My goal was now to find such a case study, in order to fabricate myself an alter ego that can relate to both me, and the serial killer in question.

Having searched for serial killers who could fit the profile for my show, I came across one that was as intriguing as it was disturbing: Ted Bundy. Despite being a prolific serial killer, targeting young women with brown hair; Bundy was a charismatic and politically minded individual. He graduated from Washington University with a degree in psychology, and seemed to everyone who knew him a normal man, as he explains in this video:

 ACCESED FROM YOUTUBE, triplexchurch : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vlk_sRU49TI

However, the purpose of my show is to illuminate the fact that, although we may not care to admit it; we have more in common than we think with these people we label ‘monsters’, and although it is true that psychopaths do not have the ability to empathise as ‘normal’ human beings do, and the crimes they commit are truly horrific and need to be prevented at all costs. It is also true they show no real compassion and understanding of another’s struggle: I want my show to illuminate the fact that psychopathy, although often a trait shared by serial killers, is a personality disorder like any other, and should be seen as a health matter, not a criminal one. To achieve this, working on the text for my performance, I attempted to weave an underlying message throughout my script, with the intention of showing a psychopaths humanity, with a repeated verse of an existential nature.

I experimented with certain lyrics that I thought might be worth repeating throughout the show to deliver this message, much like Edgar Allan Poe’s “Nevermore”:

“I was born inside the torn goodbye of another woman scorned”

“Did I die my own creator, or does creation itself meet its maker?”

“The last look into the looking glass, to shake the crook who shook the last”

“Thoughtless and feelings barren, the gaunt look of reflections challenge”

“As life is lost at least for me, I’ll take yours too, yes you, with glee”

However, these lyrics proved to be unfruitful, as although I had decided that my poem was to be a narrative driven one, I had not yet decided on what exactly that narrative would be. The next step in the process, before I could actually go any further, would be to use what I had already had thematically, and use that to begin to create the narrative for my poem. Once the narrative had been roughly etched into my mind, I would then be able to begin the articulate process of piecing my poem together lyrically.

My next step is to figure out the nature of my gothic content, which has brought me back to those same questions: “What speaks to me?” and “What do I want to speak about?”. When I think of horror, of gothic art and fiction, horror films are abundant in the forefront of my thoughts. Some of my favourite films of all time –at one time or another – had me quivering in my sheets for the weeks after watching. I’ve always been impressed with the way a good horror film can affect you for prolonged periods of time, the intensity and uncertainty preying on your subconscious to the point where it has your mind playing tricks on you, night after night. In particular, what scares me the most isn’t the loud noises, the shrieks, the screams, it’s the terrifying intensity of some of the characters. Characters with such a vindictive and petrifying aura of psychopathy, that the light of their eyes lingers as you close your eyes at night. A few spring to mind: Linda Blair’s ‘Meagan’ in William Peter Blatty’s 1973 horror The Exorcist, or Jack Nicholson’s veracious performance in Stanley Kubrick’s adaptation of the psychological horror The Shining by Stephen King. But for me, there is one particular performance that supersedes the rest, and one that inspired me to hone in on the more intricate semantics of my work.

Anthony Hopkin’s portrayal of Hannibal Lecter in the 1991 Oscar winning film, The Silence of the Lambs, has become iconic in the serial killer genre, and has created a mass cult following around Hannibal Lecter as a character, a following I am proud to call myself a part of. Lecter’s refined taste and culture, appreciation of Michelin dining, classical music, not to mention his profession, psychiatry, was so contrasting to his primal desire to kill, and ravenous inclination to the cannibalistic. This juxtaposition of his key personality traits, made him difficult to understand as a character, which is precisely what made him so terrifying to me. I always remember thinking, “How could someone so well mannered, intellectually gifted, and celebrated in his field of scientific study, be so inclined to such barbarous and taboo crimes?”. The answer to my question is clear, it is all of Hannibal’s talents and social refinements, coupled with his clear psychopathy, that made him such a terrifying and yet enthralling villain. I think the crux of my fear was in the fact that I couldn’t comprehend what was going on in Hannibal’s mind, that feeling of not having any idea what could have happened to create such a man, has stayed with me to this day and is something I want to replicate in my show.

Now inspired, I have decided to adapt the persona of Hannibal Lecter, to create my own alter ego, much like Eminem’s Slim Shady, that will excel in my gothic and literature-based performance. To do this, I will need to investigate the subject of psychopathy and criminality, a subject which I have long been intrigued to learn about, specifically, the causes of psychopathy and the links it has with a traumatic childhood. This idea of ‘nature vs nurture’ is something frequently questioned in gothic literature, such as Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. This link between the fictional monsters of those gothic stories, and the real life psychopaths and killers, who modern society brand with the same moniker, is what I hope to capitalise on in my performance. I hope to create a similar contrast of culture and chaos to Hannibal Lecter, using poetry akin to that of Edgar Allan Poe, and the use of an alter ego the likes of Slim Shady, I hope to create that very same juxtaposition that made me so uncomfortable watching The Silence of the Lambs.

My alter ego, throughout my performance, will express ideas and thoughts that relate to my own experiences as a child that made me who I am today, through the guise of someone who is completely different to me. I will do this with the intention of asking this question: Is there an extent to where we are all the same, in the regard that we could not control the experiences we have as children, and how that will inevitably affect us as adults? Personally, I have always wondered how my personality might have changed if my father had been present during my childhood. Could this have changed me? I always wonder if not having a male role model in my life at a young age, could have affected me psychologically in any way, could this be the same for people who go on to commit the heinous crimes the likes of Hannibal Lecter? These are precisely the manner of questions, that, if my audience are asking once my performance has concluded, I can confirm that the performance has been successful in achieving its goals.